


I Have This Book Back At Base...

by trash_trio



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Caboose is confused and super adorable, Church tries to be mad at him and can't be, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, I edited it to make it trans inclusive, Kissing, Loud Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sex Education, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Sexual Repression, Sexual Tension, Smut, but there might still be some mistakes, churboose - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-03 14:34:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1748045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_trio/pseuds/trash_trio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Church, after the incident with Tucker's pregnancy, decides to give Caboose a basic sex ed. crash course. Unsurprisingly, confusion ensues between the two after Church needs help explaining to Caboose what exactly intercourse is.</p><p>(Based on dialogue from 4x19 of Red vs. Blue)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fine, Caboose, I'll Help

**Author's Note:**

> Church grudgingly agrees to help Caboose learn how sex works.

**“** Alright, what's wrong. You seem nervous.” Church said irritably to Caboose, who was pacing nervously near him and next to Andy and Doc.

 **“** What if Tucker is contagious? I do not want to catch pregnancy.” Caboose said, his voice trembling a little. Church rolled his eyes at Caboose’s stupidity. Doc cast his gaze down, and Andy snickered a little under his breath.

 **“** Hey, no one is pregnant.” Church said, exasperated. Doc made a sardonic noise behind Church. “And seriously, Caboose, when I get done with this... we gotta have a little talk man. There's a book I've got that we can read together.” Church sighed as he talked to Caboose, the big dumb blue idiot that he was. Stupid rookie.

 **“** I'd like that.” Caboose said shyly back to Church. Church blushed underneath his helmet. Doc smiled to himself underneath his helmet. God, the two of them were gay. Not, of course, like he was anyone to talk...

***                                  *                                  *                                  ***

Caboose furrowed his brow in thought as he stared at the front cover of the book, trying to decipher what it meant.  _Changing Bodies, Changing Minds_ the cover read. Church sat next to Caboose on the gray sofa in the barracks at Blue Base. Any reasonable person would see how noticeably bored and irritated Church was at Caboose's confusion. But Caboose was not a reasonable person. Not even fucking close. _  
_

"Church," Caboose asked in a small voice after a moment. Church was silent, looking over at Caboose with an annoyed expression. "Church, what does the title mean?"

"Seriously?" Church growled. "How dumb are you? Taking a fucking guess, moron."

"Changing bodies.... oh! I think I know, Church! It is about... shapeshifting!" Caboose smiled at Church, pushing his blond hair our of his eyes to look at Church with a hopeful expression.

"Jesus Christ, you are fucking stupid!" Church said, rolling his eyes but looking at Caboose all the same with a look of... fondness? No, that wasn't the right word. Tolerance, that was it. He looked over with an expression of tolerance. 

Caboose's hair was ruffled messily from running his hands through his hair, something that Caboose would do often whenever he was confused by something. He almost looked, Church hated to admit, like he didn't want to punch his fucking face in. Caboose was leaning back into the cushions, his tan, toned arms bare in the dark blue tank top that he usually wore underneath his armor. The tank top matched the color of his eyes and  _holy shit Church hated himself for even seeing that in the first place._

"It's not about shape shifters," Caboose decided next to Church, who was physically restraining himself from punching Caboose in the mouth to get him to shut up. "Church..." Caboose ventured after a moment.

"What?" Church said irritably.

"Will you... will you help me with this book, Church?"

"Don't you know how to read, you fucking idiot?" Church growled. Caboose nodded.

"Yes. I read a lot in training. There was this one book with a lot of pictures about a kitten and some-" 

"You know what, Caboose? I don't care about your story. I will help you read the stupid book. Since you obviously can't do it."

"Thank you, Church!" Caboose grinned at Church, and Church sighed, running a hand over his dark stubble. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his sweatpants and dug around for a lighter. 

"God, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"


	2. Caboose, You Idiot...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church begins to read him the book and show him some pictures. So. Much. Confusion.

Church took the book from Caboose's hands and opened it up to the first page. "Caboose, this book is about sex." Church said in a matter-of-fact tone. Caboose nodded. "Do you know what sex is?" Church asked. He blew smoke from his cigarette out from of his mouth. Caboose's eyes followed Church's lips. Church rolled his eyes and tried not to pay attention to how close the two of them were sitting.

"Yes." Caboose said slowly. "It is very nice. I like to listen to it when I'm in my room at the base sometimes."

"Good, I... wait, what?" Church said, a slow blush creeping into his cheeks. _Surely he wasn't that loud when he... never mind. God._

"Yes. I like the sex a lot. It has a very pretty sound. And it is very shiny. I have a disc of music with a lot of the sex on it."

"Caboose?" Church said through a clenched jaw. "That is a sax. Like, saxophone. Do you know what sex is? Like, sexual intercourse?"

"Oh!" Caboose said. "No, I do not. I have heard Tucker talk about it a lot and then he says bow chicka bow wow, but I do not know what that means." Caboose's eyes shone with excitement. "Do I get to know what it is?"

"Oh God..." Church muttered, forcing himself to breathe in the cigarette instead of yell at Caboose. He opened the book to a page that it looked like he had bookmarked. On it was a diagram of a vagina. Caboose swallowed hard. "This, Caboose, is a vagina."

"Okay." Caboose said blankly to Church. "I... am I supposed to have one? Oh God, am I missing a vagina, Church?!"

Church sighed, biting his lip to keep from laughing. Caboose may have looked like the kind of guy who was ever popular with the ladies ( _because who the fuck wouldn't want a blond, full of muscle kind of guy who wasn't a complete asshole?)_ but it was clear that he was the dumbest, most innocent person that Church had ever met. _  
_

"No, Caboose. Only about half the population have them. Most women do, most guys don't. "

"So... like Tex? She has a bagina?"

"Yes, Caboose. Tex has a vagina. Anyway, the vagina is where babies come from. People with them get pregnant when a person with a dick puts their uh... their penis into the vagina and pushes it in and out until they gives the other person some...baby juice. That is what sex is."

"Like what you and Tex used to do before she got really mad and tried to kill you a bunch of times?" Caboose asked brightly. Church growled under his breath. What a fucking dumbass. "How come Tex did not have a baby, Church?" A look of recognition dawned on his face. "Oh no! Is Tex's vagina broken, Church? Should I ask her if I can fix it?"

"No! Caboose, do not  _ever_ ask a woman about her vagina. That's fucking creepy, dude. And if you want to ever see the inside of a woman's vagina, you should  _never_ ask to fix anything on her body. Ever."

"Church?" Caboose said as Church flipped to another page. "Sex sounds gross."

"Yeah, but it feels fucking amazing dude," Church said. "Haven't you ever... you know?"

"Yes, I know!" Caboose said happily. He paused for a moment. "Know what?"

"Touched yourself?" Church said, reddening slightly as Caboose's confusion faded.

"Oh! Yeah, all the time." Caboose said. "Hey! I'm touching myself right now!"

"What?!" Church said, jerking from his close position to Caboose.

"Yes, Church! See?" He gestured to one hand with the other, which was resting on his knee. "I am touching myself. Is that was sex feels like?"

"God damn, dude..." Church muttered. "No! I mean haven't you ever masturbated?"

"That is a long word. And I do not know what it means. It sound confusing."

"Masturbate. It means when you touch your... pee stick? And it gets hard and feels really nice for a while and then goo comes out of it?"

"I have never done that before," Caboose said. Church rolled his eyes.

"Okay, well... look at this then. It's about relationships." Church handed the book to Caboose. Caboose looked at it for a moment and the turned the page. Church reddened as he did so. "Church... why are those two men holding hands?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you (God forbid) like my fan fiction and want to look at dumb gif sets, you can follow me on tumblr at mylifeistheprogressbar.tumblr.com


	3. Caboose, Stop Asking Dumb Questions!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some questions about gay men and some yelling at poor wittle Caboose. Smut to come (read: cum) next chapter.

“Those are gay men, Caboose. They… they have sex with each other. Instead of women.”

“Which one of them has the vagina?” Caboose wrinkled his brow and moved slightly closer to Church. Church stiffened at the contact, as Caboose’s shoulder brushed his.

“Caboose… okay, fine. We will have this conversation once. Gay men do not usually have sex with vaginas. Unless they are actually bisexual. Or one of them is transgender.” Church sighed and ran his fingers through his coarse black hair. _Who was he kidding? Caboose would never understand this._

“You are using big words and I do not understand what you are saying or what they mean,” Caboose said with worry in his voice. “If we keep reading, will it tell me what it means?”

 “Yeah. Sure. Fine. I’m sure the book will explain it damn better than I can,” Church muttered. Caboose turned the page, and Church turned his face away from the book in slight embarrassment.

“Church?” Caboose said, bemused as he examined the page for a long time. “Is this how gay men have sex?”

 Church turned his gaze to the page that Caboose was pointing at. On it, two men lay naked and tangled in the sheets, smiling as though they were at a family photo shoot rather than about to fuck.

 “Um… Yes. No. Kind of.” Church became aware of himself becoming flustered he was getting. _Jesus Christ, this was Caboose. Not someone pretty or smart or funny…_

“Church?” Caboose frowned. “That does not look fun. It looks kind of like a ride. I get scared on rides. Like rollercoasters. Those are scary.”

 “It is fun. For some people. Who like it.” Church said in a clipped tone.

 “Okay.” Caboose frowned. “I do not think I understand how sex works, Church.” Church growled and put his cigarette out into the ashtray by the sofa. His irritation was quickly overtaking him. _Caboose, this motherfucker, was testing his patience way more than he ever had. He was taking time out of his fucking day to teach him and try to ignore his little idiotic smile… and… and…_

“Church, have you ever had sex with a man?” Caboose’s voice bled back into Church’s brain stopped.

 “God dammit, Caboose, you fucking idiot, stop asking such fucking idiotic questions!”

 “Church, I-”

“No, fuck this. You’re never ever gonna even get laid in this shit canyon anyway, I’m not gonna go wasting my precious fucking time trying to teach you something that you obviously are never going to understand because of how dumb you are.” _Shut up, Church,_ Church’s inner voice yelled at him. _Shut up and if you apologize right now you might escape the worst of his crying._ As usual though, Church ignored his inner voice.

 “You know what the worst fucking part is, Caboose? I would totally fuck you, you moron, if you weren’t such a dumbfuck in the first place. For being such a dumb bitch, you really shouldn’t have been given that face. Idiot!” Church punctuated his sentence with an angry growl.

 “S-sorry, Church,” Caboose whimpered, his lower lip trembling. Church kicked himself mentally. Caboose through his arms around Church in an attempt to hug him as tears leaked out of his eyes. “Sorry I am dumb.”

 Church forced himself not to shove Caboose off of him, and let the rookie hug him, salty tears forming a stain on Church’s t-shirt. Caboose snuggled his head against Church and breathed him in. Church smelled like soap and cigarettes, with a faint whiff of what smelled vaguely like cologne. Caboose liked the way that Church smelled.

 After letting the rookie lay on his lap for a while (even admitting to himself, that no, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for Caboose to lay his head in his lap), Church pushed Caboose back up against the couch. Caboose made a noise of protest as he felt Church pull away from him.

 “Church?” Caboose said after a moment. “Will you teach me how sex is? Without the book?”

 

 


	4. Caboose Gets His First Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut happens. Awkward, awkward smut. Sorry.

“If it will get you to shut up, Caboose,” Church growled, trying to keep the irritation in his voice. Caboose smiled at him. _Fuck it,_ Church thought. _He had known that this was gonna get weird. He really should have seen this coming. Maybe he would just show him a few things, less than five minutes, and he’d get on with his day._

Church pushed the rookie down onto the couch, ignoring the confused whine from Caboose. _God, the kid was an idiot sometimes._

“You want me to show you something? Fine.” Church moved over on the couch so that he was almost on top of Caboose. Caboose made another confused noise against Church. Church frowned and looked at Caboose, reddening slightly as he found Caboose staring at him, his blue eyes opened wide and staring at Church with a confused excitement.

 “Christ. Stop acting so overenthusiastic. Seriously.” Church sighed as the rookie ignored him. “Caboose, Jesus, just do what I tell you to. You wanna know why everyone is so fucking obsessed with sex? Shut up and learn.”

 Church’s hand trailed down Caboose’s chest quickly, palming at Caboose’s groin roughly. Caboose made a choked noise. Church stroked at Caboose again, forcing himself to look away. _This is it,_ Church thought. _This is rock bottom. I am showing—I’m giving Caboose a handjob._

Caboose made another noise after a moment, and with a bit of surprise, Church noticed that Caboose was getting hard. Really hard.

 “Ch-church…” Caboose gasped. “What are you doing? Why does this feel good?” 

“If you don’t shut up, watch, and learn, I swear to God, Caboose, I will get up and leave you here.”

 “Church, do not do that,” Caboose said breathlessly. “I like you here. Doing this to me.”

 “Caboose, stop talking and take off your pants right now,” Church said. Caboose complied as silently as possible, fumbling a bit. Church smiled to himself. 

“Church…” Caboose whispered. “What are you going to do?”

“Shut up. Put your hand around you cock,” Church said. Caboose, looking rather nervous, tried to. “Christ, rookie, not like that. Here, just… just give me your hand. God, you’re an idiot.”

Church took Caboose’s hand and placed it around the head of his cock, which was beginning to leak pre-come. He took Caboose’s hand in his and slipped it down his cock, smearing the pre-come down his cock. Caboose took an inward breath.

 “Church, that—that feels good. Do it again, please.” Caboose was beginning to sound less confused and more desperate.

 “No, idiot. Do it yourself now, I’m done. This already has gotten way too gay for my taste.” _Right, idiot, waaayyyyy too gay,_ a voice sneered in the back of Church’s mind. _Somehow I think you like this more than you should._

Church shoved the voice from his head and made to get up, kicking Caboose’s sweatpants out of his way. 

“P-please Church, help me learn how to— _ah,”_ Caboose interrupted himself with a groan that was probably loud enough for Red Base to hear across the canyon. Church’s cock twitched in interest, but he ignored it in favor of better thoughts.

A slow grin spread across Church’s face as he relaxed slowly back into his seat. He was beginning to enjoy Caboose’s helplessness. 

“I’m really not sure if I should,” Church said, stroking Caboose’s hand over Caboose’s cock and forcing a flick of Caboose’s wrist over the head of his cock.

“Church, oh God, p-please stay and keep going,” Caboose said, bucking his hips slightly in an effort to create some friction. Church frowned and shoved Caboose’s hips down with his free arm.

 “Uh-uh Caboose,” Church said. Caboose whimpered underneath him. 

Church finally chanced a long look over Caboose’s body, and was met with a beautiful sight. The rookie was flustered, a deep red flush across his face. His eyes were closed and his lean muscles tense, his head thrown back with his blond hair disheveled. Church had to admit that seeing Caboose like this, helpless and bent to his will, was nice. It was almost like Caboose was begging…

Begging. What a good idea. Emboldened by his own thoughts, Church gave a tight, hard thrust against Caboose’s cock. Caboose’s moan of pleasure sent a jolt down Church’s spine. When Caboose tried again to thrust into his hand, Church forced his hips down.

“Hey, rookie, not yet. We move when I say we move. Understand? Otherwise, we’re done. You can go back to reading the book and taking care of yourself. Got it?” Caboose whined and nodded.

“Say it, Caboose,” Church growled. “Repeat what I just told you.”

“We move… we move when, _oh,_ when you say we move.” Caboose stared up into Church’s eyes. “Please keep doing what this is. I _really_ like it. Please, please, please Church…”

 Church moved his hand down again and pumped Caboose’s cock a few times. It was painfully clear that Caboose wasn’t gonna last much longer, from the sounds he was making.

“Church, I’m going to… I have to… _oohhhhh.”_ Caboose gave a shudder and breathed out unevenly, shaking a bit as he came hard across his chest and Church’s hand. “That—that’s how sex feels?” He asked weakly to Church. Church smirked.

 “Sex? Real sex, when it’s done right? It feels twice as good as that.”

Caboose made a whimpering noise. “I want to have a lot of sex, Church.”   Caboose muttered. Church kicked himself internally.

_I did not mean for Caboose to go all gay on me. Jesus. And for God’s fucking sake, I don’t want to like it. Not with this idiot._

Church felt his own hard cock press against his thigh. Ignoring Caboose, who was collapsed on the couch, breathing hard, he pushed Caboose out of the way and hurried to his quarters. _What the fuck did I just do?_


	5. Church Gets Almost As Confused As Caboose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church tries to deal with his feelings from the incident with Caboose. It's... hard to think about (double entendre intended).

Church avoided Caboose like the plague for the rest of the night, locking himself in his room and pacing, back and forth as his thoughts crashed through his head. He ignored Tucker’s murmuring through the door about dinner, and sat on his bed, holding his head in between his hands in frustration. _The picture of Caboose, panting hard, with flush creeping up his cheeks, muscles tensing, whimpering and purring, his hot body pressed against Church…_

No. That was fucked up. This was Caboose _._ Caboose, the fucking idiot of blue base. Fucking Tucker would be better than Caboose… right? _Please keep doing what this is. I really like it. Please, please, please Church…_

Church growled, frustrated even more at his persistent thoughts. He realized, with a groan, that he was half-hard again. When he had first come back to his room, rushing, his cock had ached so hard that he dealt with it immediately.

  _That’s right you dirty whore,_ ­a voice in the back of Church’s head sneered. _You had barely locked the door before you started stroking your big aching cock to the thought of fucking Caboose up the asshole._

Church groaned again. That thought had just gotten him from half-hard to aching again. Church glanced at his door, biting his lip angrily as he did so, hard enough to draw blood. _This was not supposed to happen._

 Church ran his hand through his hair roughly as he brought his other hands around to palm himself through his army-issue fatigues. He could hear himself breathing a bit heavier now, and, sighing inwardly, Church pulled off his shirt quickly and tugged at the zipper of his fatigues, pulling his hard and heavy cock out.

 Church spit on his palm, not even bothering to make his way over to his bedside drawer to find his bottle of lube. He was _not_ planning on making this drawn out in any way. Church stroked his cock experimentally, rolling his hips slightly against his hand as he did so. _Fuck that felt good._

 Church’s closed his eyes as he set a stroking rhythm, whimpering slightly as he twisted his wrist around the head of his cock. He knew that his brain would inevitably wander back to Caboose, but he was getting too horny and too tired to care.

 _We move… we move when, oh, when you say we move._ Church could hear Caboose groaning in his head as he slowly pulled at his cock. Church gave a heavy sigh and let his head fall back, letting his brain drift off into Caboose fantasy land.

  _You like that, rookie? Oh fuck yeah, you do. Shit, you are so good._ His brain sneered dirty talk. _Fuck, just imagine Caboose all flushed and ready in front of you, begging for your cock like a whore as you thrust your hips into him hard for the first time. Just think of him moaning about how big you are inside of him._

Church stifled a groan and bit down on his finger and his grip tightened at that thought. Strangely, the pain from his teeth against his skin turned him on even more. He pulled on his cock in a firm stroke, feeling the dull throb of it inside of his fingers.

  _You like pain, you fucking whore?_ Church’s brain sneered at him. _Imagine Caboose, fingernails digging into your back as you fuck him hard into the bed. Imagine him moaning like the little bitch that he is._

Church could feel himself getting close as his mind wandered to the thought of the blond arching against him and panting into his ear. Church quickened his hand against himself, digging his nails into a pillow with his other hand. He couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his lips as he came hard, shuddering slightly and exhaling hard. He could feel his limbs go slightly numb from the force of his orgasm because _fuck he hadn’t come that hard for months._

Church sighed against his blankets as he turned over onto his side, haphazardly wiping himself clean with a tissue and tossing it in the garbage as he moved. This was a shitty, shitty idea, lusting after a teammate like this. Even if that teammate was extremely hot and probably willing to let Church fuck him into tomorrow.

 Groaning at his own thought process, Church got up to turn off the light. In the dark, he curled up against his blankets and let his eyes drift closed slowly. He was almost angry at how quickly he fell asleep.


	6. Caboose (Actually) Reads the Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caboose reads the book that Church gave him. There are interesting results.

Church blinked blearily at the figure in the doorway as he awoke, yawning loudly. To his dismay a moment later, he saw it was Caboose.

“Jesus Christ, Caboose! Let me sleep, you idiot.”

 Caboose, _of course,_ ignored Church and stepped into the room, walking up next to Church and sitting on the edge of his bed. Caboose balled some of the blankets in his hands and blushed, looking up at Church like an injured puppy.

“Dear Lord. Caboose? Hey… buddy. Come on. What is it?” Caboose leaned forward towards Church nervously. _What the fuck is with him this morning?_ Church wondered. It took a moment to remember what had happened. _Oh. Fuck._

“Caboose, I … about the other day, I’m really sorry—hey!” Church let out a surprised yelp as Caboose pushed him back down into the bedsheets. _Okay,_ his brain said in a resigned voice. _You probably deserve this for being a predatory little fuck in the first place. Let him get in a few punches._

“Church… I read the book that you threw on the floor after you left. I was still confused about sex.”

 “Oh… um, okay, Caboose.” Church said, biting his tongue nervously. He did not like the look on Caboose’s face as the rookie leaned over him. Or rather, he liked it much more than he probably should have.

 Caboose pressed down on Church’s chest again, sending him back into the pillows hard despite his weak protest. Damn Caboose and his weirdly powerful strength. Caboose hummed over him before leaning down towards Church’s mouth. That was it.

 Church reached up and crashed his mouth into Caboose’s impatiently as Caboose hovered nervously over him. Caboose made a soft whimper against Church’s slightly chapped lips before pulling into the kiss, letting Church nip at his lips softly.

 Church smiled a bit as he kissed the rookie. He tasted like mint mouthwash, stuff that Church normally hated but couldn’t care less about right now because _Caboose was kissing him, letting him breathe in Caboose and press his flushed body against him._

 Church sighed into the kiss in a way that could either be interpreted as contented or impatient. Caboose’s lips were warm and soft, and when he parted them slightly, Church could feel the inside of the rookie’s mouth. Caboose’s hand came down to cup Church’s face as they kissed. Surprisingly for both of them, Church didn’t pull away from the gesture.

 Church began tracing Caboose’s teeth with his tongue, earning him a soft but throaty groan. After a few more moments, however, Caboose pulled away from Church.

 “I think I learned more things about it,” Caboose continued, ignoring Church’s soft and impatient groan from the pillows beneath him. “Like there was this diagram where—”

 “Caboose!” Church groaned, exasperated. He let his fingers trail up and down Caboose’s muscular chest as he spoke. “Why don’t you show me what the diagram taught you. Okay?”

 “Okay, Church.” Caboose said. He leaned forward again to kiss Church, this time harder. Church took an inward breath as Caboose’s tongue slipped into his mouth.

“Church?” Caboose pulled back again after a moment. “Should I take my shirt off?”

“Yes,” Church said, growing more exasperated by the second. Caboose was hot, but the goddamn kid was an idiot. “Take anything and everything that you want _off._ My clothes included. Jesus you idiot, do it and _touch me_.”

 Church was dimly aware that he probably sounded like a needy bitch, but with the memory of Caboose’s lips on his and his whines as Church had jacked him off the day before erased that thought as Caboose pulled off his shirt and moved down to pull off Church’s. Church let the rookie undress him, grinding his hips up against Caboose in an effort to distract him as he did.

“Church?” Caboose said into Church’s ear in a low voice, his nose bumping against Church’s cheek. 

“Christ Caboose, when will you shut up?” Church growled back against Caboose’s neck. He bit down lightly, causing Caboose to gasp, shocked at the feeling of Church’s teeth on his flesh.

Church took Caboose, still surprised from Church’s bite, and pushed the soldier’s head down along his chest. He prayed to God that Caboose understood that signal, because _for the love of God he was ready for Caboose to suck his cock._

Caboose stared down at the tent in Church’s fatigues as if looking at a math equation. He tilted his head slightly as he looked.

“Caboose?” Church said through gritted teeth, looking down from the pillows at Caboose. “Open the zipper, take my cock out, and _suck on it._ ”

“Mhmm.” Caboose nodded as if Church had given him the answer, and, looking fascinated, pulled the zipper down from his fatigues. Church cursed himself for wearing them to bed instead of bothering to change into sweatpants and go commando. Caboose was looking at Church’s boxers like they were locked and he needed the password to get in.

 

“Caboose, _take off my boxers too.”_ Church almost felt dizzy from pent-up need, and he could feel the pulsing throb of his cock twitching against his leg. He groaned aloud when Caboose finally obeyed him, his fingers brushing lightly against Church’s hard and throbbing member. 

“Suck.” Caboose repeated back to Church as though trying to verify the information Church had given him. Church nodded tightly, struggling to ignore the temptation of simply shoving his cock down Caboose’s throat.

Caboose took the head of Church’s cock into his mouth and gave it a hard suck, leaving Church writhing for a moment in pleasure and gasping loudly from the sudden and fierce contact.

“Like that, Church?” Caboose murmured, licking at the pre-come from Church’s cock.

“Y-yes, Caboose, j-just like that, keep going,” Church gasped from the bed, sighing at the feeling of Caboose’s lips stretched around his cock, the tight wet warmth of his mouth sending shivers up Church’s spine. “Go down a bit more… _yes, God, like that!”_

Caboose moved his head down against Church’s cock and pulled up again, licking lightly along his foreskin as he did so. Church groaned at the sensation. The kid was as stupid as a rock—no, dumber—but his mouth was, for once, moving in all the right ways.

Church’s hands came up to thread through Caboose’s silky blond hair as he moved his mouth along Church’s cock. Church gave an experimental tug on Caboose’s hair, causing Caboose to mumble around his cock and send jolts up Church’s spine. _Fuck._

Church was dimly aware that this was wrong, _so wrong,_ that Tucker was probably still in bed in the room right next door and that if he isn’t fast asleep then he is probably hearing everything.

But somehow, that mattered less and less as Caboose sunk his mouth down lower and lower on his cock until he could feel the back of Caboose’s throat on his cock. Caboose choked a little, and the shudder of his throat around Church’s cock caused shivers down his spine.

 Church couldn’t help the noise coming from him at this point as he bobbed Caboose’s head up and down harder on his cock. Caboose made little choked noises around Church’s cock as he did so, but hummed slightly as Church murmured quiet words of praise softly.

“God, Caboose, that’s right, ooh, that feels good. Being _such_ a good soldier for me. Yeah… yes, good Caboose, don’t you dare stop. Suck harder for me, rookie. _Yes, that’s it, ooh._ ”

The aching throb of Church’s cock intensified as Caboose began sucking harder and taking more of Church into his mouth, and Church could feel his gut twist in hot waves of pleasure. 

“I’m gonna cum,” he breathed. Caboose made a confused noise, but pushed his lips down and over Church’s cock and sucked hard, lapping against the underside of Church’s cock.

The tongue against his sensitive skin felt incredible, and as Caboose sucked harder on his cock, the tightness of his hot little mouth overwhelmed him. Pushing Caboose’s head back a little (because, _come on,_ the kid have never sucked cock before and probably would have choked on his cum), Church growled loudly as he came hot and hard onto Caboose’s lips, his orgasm crashing around him. He felt his muscles tense as he came, and he shuddered, breathing hard and gasping for air.

 He was pretty sure he was seeing stars as he came down from his orgasm and Caboose was licking his cock clean of cum. Caboose looked _fucking amazing,_ Church realized, watching the rookie’s tongue move against him and feeling sparks of heat from the man’s tongue moving against his spent cock.

 A few drops of cum stuck to his lips, and Church pushed Caboose’s mouth off of him, tilting his chin up with one hand and pushing the cum into Caboose’s mouth with his other one. Caboose grinned slightly as he sucked the cum off of Church’s finger.

“Did I do alright, Church?” Caboose asked, moving up against Church so that they could talk face-to-face, bodies pressed together.

“Fuuck, Caboose, that was… yeah. You did alright. You did really well, Caboose. You should wake me up like this more often.” Church let out a breathless laugh and smoothed Caboose’s hair down with a tired hand. Caboose lay down next to Church, draping an arm across him easily. Church didn’t pull away, but turned on his side next to him.

 “If you start chattering rookie, I swear to God I’m kicking you out of the fucking bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr at mylifeistheprogressbar.tumblr.com if you like shitty puns, Rooster Teeth, Red vs. Blue, anime, Game of Thrones, feminism, and more shitty puns.
> 
> Instagram: daisyrightsactivist
> 
> I love kudos and comments, so if you wanna see more of something just know that I am motivated mostly through YOUR lovely comments. Thanks for reading!


End file.
